


Dopamine

by teiidae



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Disney Town (Kingdom Hearts), Is it angst is it fluff? we just don't know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 05:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20651591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teiidae/pseuds/teiidae
Summary: Ienzo is just a young man who puts all the pressures of the world on his shoulders because what else is an emotionally compromised science major supposed to do? He thinks there is merit in honesty, but all he needs is a break. A date maybe? Emotions are complicated and Ienzo would really like some answers.





	Dopamine

As streaks of yellow and red accented the waxing blues and purples of twilight, Ienzo found himself taking a different path home from the laboratories. It had been another long day of research, tracking data and deciphering code that was far older than he had originally assumed when he had first laid eyes on it. It was a complex puzzle that made his brain light up in anticipation. Every step forward was like a direct injection of dopamine right through his entire psyche. Vexen usually didn’t notice when he was absorbed in his own work, but Ienzo was very close to a breakthrough, he could feel it.

He had a couple manually transcribed copies of the tomes brought from the dead world tucked in a bag slung over his shoulder. He’d hurriedly stuffed his lab coat in as well, and he was making his way through the newly revitalized gardens, tugging the purple ruffled ascot from around his neck. While not in the presence of Ansem the Wise, Ienzo rarely felt the need to be so formal, especially because it made him look a little uncool.

The late summer air brimmed with the hidden bite of a calm autumn and Ienzo pushed himself faster to get home. There was a little sweet shop around the corner from the castle that had just opened up, and he was in the mood for something a little salty as well, though he’d passed on the iconic Sea-Salt Ice Cream that Radiant Garden was known for popularizing. Ever since being reborn, his stomach churned at the thought of consuming such a substance and that weighed heavy on his heart. Too many negative associations to work through, but that wouldn’t stop him in pursuing something else with just the right balance of salty and sweet.

Vexen warned him against relying so heavily on snacks for comfort, but Vexen was a bit of a stick in the mud sometimes and Ienzo was an adult now. More than capable of making his own decisions. As if he didn’t already know that too much sugar was bad for him and made him a little more chatty than usual. What Vexen didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, though Ienzo had specifically taken the long way around to lessen the probability of him running into any...obstacles. Not that Vexen was an obstacle.

He just didn’t have a heart anymore and that made him less tactful when expressing his opinions.

The garden hummed with life as Ienzo passed the floral arrangements and trimmed hedges, inviting him to find a bench and spend some time. And while he would have loved to do his note taking in the gardens, that sweet shop was going to close any minute now and Ienzo intended to get there before it did so. He rounded the corner from the restored cast iron gates, nodding in appreciation as two guards opened and closed the gates for him.

He had to hurry!

The clicking of his boots against the cobblestone was rhythmic and fell in line with his breathing as his lab coat flapped behind him. He could see the shop from here. It was a quaint little building with a brass colored chimney and striped awnings. It was such an innocent looking shop and as soon as Ienzo reached the door, a rather tired looking woman was backing out with her hands full. She was clearly in a rush to go and Ienzo nearly knocked her over. He stopped himself right before crashing into her, his bag swinging awkwardly against her back as he caught himself.

“Sorry, ma'am,” Ienzo said. He looked at the dimmed lights of the window and frowned, trying not to look disappointed. “Closing?”

“Oh, yes, dear,” the woman said. She had greying blue hair and tired, but kind, green eyes. Her voice was sweet and soft, indicative of many many years of hard work. “I'm, sorry. I'll be open again tomorrow morning! Bright and early for a delivery.”

Ienzo backed up, craning his neck to look at the fanciful sign that hung above the door. RAD Sweets. Odd name choice, but he committed it to memory. He'd just have to try again later. Tomorrow he had another long day and in a few nights, he was expecting to run an experiment that would require several overnight stays. His disappointment must have seemed apparent because the woman sighed sympathetically, putting her rucksacks down and fishing for keys in her apron pockets. Ienzo held his hands up.

“Oh, pardon me, ma'am,” he added quickly. “I'll just come back another day. Really it's no trouble.”

She looked him up and down, her eyes darting quickly to his bag and the white lab coat sticking out. Her eyes hardened for half a moment and immediately melted, plagued by sorrow and grief. Ienzo, in turn, looked her up and down and motioned to her rucksacks.

“Maybe I can help you with one of those?”

“You're one of Ansem the Wise's apprentices, aren't you?” She asked. It was genuine curiosity and Ienzo gasped, blushing in an effort to afford the time to deflect. He hadn't expected to be recognized, especially because he hadn't been around for a while. Over ten years. And he hadn't exactly been thinking about what he was supposed to say considering all the work he'd been buried in for the past few months. He hadn't really had the chance to talk to Ansem the Wise about any interactions with the general public.

“I, uh, I'm an apprentice in the most casual sense. I deal mostly with the castle library.”

The woman's narrowed eyes broke into a joyful smile, the corners of her eyes wrinkling with gratitude that Ienzo hadn't expected. He had originally been planning to curl up and take notes with some kind of sugary confection for a few hours. Maybe have a cup of tea or two. Read a book for fun and sleep hopefully. Looking at this woman made him feel more beleaguered than usual. He wished he hadn't decided to go elsewhere when there were perfectly good sleeping quarters within the castle walls. Perhaps he just craved a change of scenery. The whole castle was a reminder of his foolishness as a child.

“It's not every day one of Lord Ansem's apprentices come around!” She waved her hands in nervous, but benign, dismissal. “I was just curious is all. I've got these. I carry them every evening, dear, but I appreciate the offer.”

Ienzo felt silly.

“But if you would put my mind and heart at ease, could I ask a question?”

Ienzo blinked and nodded once. He could offer knowledge to this woman who made him feel so tired and scared. She must have been a mother. Even when Ienzo had been Zexion, he had a knack for judging others based on character traits he observed. Soft but sad eyes, laugh lines, and genuine curiosity for the lives of others. There was just something about her that made her feel so welcoming.

“This might seem strange,” she started, wringing her hands together sheepishly. Nervous. “My son was accepted into Lord Ansem's apprenticeship some time ago. I know Ansem the Wise is incredibly busy and has all sorts of very important tasks that need researching, but I was wondering if you knew my son?”

Ienzo's heart sank. He already knew that he couldn't answer her question truthfully and he fiddled with a loose thread in his dark sweater vest while trying not to pointedly avert his gaze. “I might have. What's his name?”

Her eyes lit up with hope and Ienzo felt another ten pounds attach to the strings of his heart. “Isa! He has the most beautiful green eyes and his hair is blue just like mine. Brighter of course. He's still just a boy after all. He might be wearing a little scarf I made him. It’s purple just like yours but I stitched a little moon on it and he promised he would wear it.”

Ienzo saw how desperate she was for an answer. In reality, he hadn’t seen Isa since he was a child himself, but he couldn’t explain what had happened to him. In the aftermath of the Keyblade War, Ienzo wasn’t quite sure what had become of Saix, or Isa. Axel mentioned him once or twice, but didn’t give too many details about him.

But the woman’s voice was pleading. She was as calm as she could be, flowing with love, but still pleading. Ienzo didn’t want to break her heart. He didn’t want to cause her more pain, and the way she spoke about him made him believe that, perhaps, she wasn’t aware of what Radiant Garden had gone through over the past ten years. She didn’t remember. Or couldn’t. Ienzo grimaced, though he drew his hand up to his chin and rubbed it gently, the beginning of stubble poking him uncomfortably.

“I can’t say that I’ve seen him,” Ienzo started. That was technically the truth. “But, the name sounds kind of familiar. I could see if I can track him down if you’d like. Mention that you were asking about him.”

“Would you?” her eyes lit up more. “I mean, of course if he’s busy...You don’t have to.” Her voice trailed off.

“I will see what I can do.”

“Thank you so much.”

Ienzo left without a treat that evening and he spun back around to go to the castle and spend the night researching. He'd have to track down Ansem the Wise and ask a few questions about Radiant Garden that were bigger than them. Ask about what he was supposed to do when the inevitable happened over and over. Ask about where they were supposed to go from here.

\---

“Greetings and salutations fellow colleagues!”

Ienzo was bent over a low table, his hair tied back and magnifying glass in hand. He could recognize Demyx's voice from anywhere and didn't look up as the cool rush of air ruffled his lab coat. He merely waved his free hand and continued with his scripture, taking detailed and descriptive notes as he copied the symbols from one enormous book into a another, blank book. His brows were furrowed intensely, eyes focused. He looked almost annoyed.

“Good morning, Demyx,” Ienzo said. “You know procedure by now. Please make sure you don’t touch anything blinking. I'm running an important simulation and the equipment has been particularly ornery.”

Demyx moved around as Ienzo continued his research. He normally woke up around noon, but he had promised some old lady that he would help deliver some ingredients early in the morning and the only reason he’d done it was because there was this delicious looking pastry in a glass case and Demyx wanted it more than anything in the world so he could use it to lure a close friend of his out into the wild. The old lady had described it as salty and sweet. Salted caramel and some word Demyx couldn’t really remember, let alone say.

He’d stashed the box in a secret corner of the castle, waiting for the right moment, but Ienzo was busy as usual, devoting all his attention to some pictures in a book. Symbols, or letters. It meant absolutely nothing to Demyx in any sense of the word, but Ienzo was into them, so Demyx had to at least pretend that he was also interested. He’d rather be writing a song, or taking a nap. Or both.

“You look like you haven’t slept in a hundred years,” Demyx said idly, taking a seat in the chair marked specifically for him. He’d spun it around so he could lean over the back of it, tucking his feet under the chair and resting his chin on his folded arms. “Did you actually go home last night?”

“I got distracted,” Ienzo said. “And I had an epiphany.”

“Did you sleep?” Demyx asked. “You know that’s the best part of the day, right? Getting that sweet shut eye. Dreaming about napping on sunny days and writing songs. I could do that for the rest of my life.”

Ienzo remained silent, leaving Demyx’s question answered. Demyx also remained silent. Clearly Ienzo was busy, and when Ienzo was busy, but still needed company, Demyx would stay on his assigned chair, humming or whistling harmoniously, until he eventually fell asleep to the sound of scratching pens and pages flipping in airy silence. Ienzo could go on for hours like this. Days if he wasn’t forced to go to sleep. Demyx had no idea how he could stay awake for so long, especially because he was doing work, which was boring and time consuming. He'd guessed it had to do with magic but Ienzo never confirmed it.

Demyx closed his eyes. He was just resting them!

He woke up sometime later and peered at the clock hanging above the lab door. Three hours had passed and he yawned dramatically, stretching and popping his joints and rolling his shoulders. Ienzo was still hard at work it seemed, though when Demyx decided to stray closer, Ienzo shifted, face down on the desk and snoring softly. His hair was a mess and the magnifying glass lay at his feet, cracked from the fall. How long had he been like this? When Demyx’s groggy haze filtered away, he panicked. Was he dead? Humans were so much weaker physically than Nobodies.

Ansem the Wise was going to kill him.

“Hey!” Demyx shouted as he shook Ienzo awake. Ienzo seized up as he peeled his face off the table hurriedly, wiping his mouth free of the drool.

“Demyx!” Ienzo flushed, his whole face a bright red. “I wasn’t sleeping, I was just--”

Demyx threw his hands up in innocence. “Whoa, I know you’re doing really important research, dude. Something about science and whatnot. Total snoozefest if you ask me. I was just making sure you were staying focused, ya dig? It’s a part of my, uh, job, that’s it.”

Ienzo, still red and feeling steam blowing out of his ears, shut the books with a heavy snap and tucked them under his arm hastily as he fled into the halls of the castle. His ears burned and he pulled his hair free of the hair tie to cover his face with the dusty steel bangs. He couldn’t believe he had fallen asleep while he was supposed to be working and Demyx had seen him!

Demyx took a few deep breaths before running after him. “Hey! Slow down!”

Ienzo did not - and would not - slow down. He was rife with shame, as he’d been sleeping instead of doing work and he was going to miss his meeting with Ansem the Wise, and he was three hours behind on his projects and he was going to miss his opportunity to get something from RAD Sweets again and Isa’s mother was going to expect an answer from him and he wasn’t sure how to explain anything to anybody and Demyx was going to tell him everything was okay and everything was not okay!

Nothing was okay. Not really, and nobody wanted to think about it. Nobody wanted to talk about it. It was like stewing in boiling hot water and everyone else seemed to be adjusting just fine.

Ienzo stopped in the corridor, clutching the books under his arm and taking deep breaths to steady himself. Four seconds in, four seconds pause, four seconds out. He had to be totally calm if he was going to sit in a meeting with Ansem the Wise and be able to get anything of worth out of it. He had to go in with a level head. It wasn’t wrong for him to have taken a nap. He hadn’t missed anything. Ienzo rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes and before he took off again, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Demyx, looking understandably concerned.

“You good?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

Ienzo sighed. “I’m fine.” He was not fine.

“I know what you need,” Demyx said, an idea hatching right before Ienzo’s very eyes. “I have an idea. Why not come with me to Disney Town? You ever been?”

Ienzo took a deep breath through his nose. He instantly wanted to accept but he had research to do and if he was going to leave Radiant Garden, he'd have to get permission. “I'm...uh, I don't know.” His cheeks burned more. “I mean, I've never been to Disney Town.”

Demyx raised his eyebrows higher. “Is that a yes? I can get us in no problem. I even have an extra coat.”

Ienzo chuckled. “You bought tickets in advance? How thoughtful.”

“B-buy?” Demyx frowned. “I have to buy them?”

Ienzo's small smile stayed soft. Patient. “Yes, you have to buy them. We're supposed to be living our lives as normal now. Normally, you have to buy tickets if you want to go somewhere.”

Demyx frowned, bright blue eyes grimacing for him. If he had to buy tickets - and he knew Ienzo would ask later - then that meant he needed munny. Which meant he'd have to do jobs that paid him which was hard work. Ugh, he wasn't so sure about that, but he also knew Ienzo wouldn't go with him if he didn't do the virtuous thing. Demyx huffed, folding his arms and turning his head away.

“Yeah, I'll buy them, I guess. Give me like a week.”

“Take your time,” Ienzo said. “I'll still be around. I have to go now, though. Very important meeting that I'm a little late for.”

Demyx waved Ienzo off and spun on his heels. What sort of work could he do where he didn't have to do much but still get paid for it? He pressed his thumb to his lips in deep thought. Maybe he could bother Vexen about that one thing he had done for Roxas. Yeah, payment for services already rendered. The plan was foolproof and Demyx warped away in a corridor of darkness.

Ienzo hurried to Ansem the Wise's study, running his hands through his hair repeatedly to make it look a little presentable. He still hadn't shaved, so his scruff was more noticable. He tightened his ascot and smoothed the wrinkles out a little, feeling a lump rise in the back of his throat. Ansem the Wise's study was at the top of a long spiral staircase and once Ienzo was at the rich, oak brown door, he took a few more deep breaths and knocked loudly, posturing his books around and giving himself one last look over before the door cracked open.

Ansem the Wise gave Ienzo a stiff nod of approval before opening the study door wider. Ienzo skirted into the study and placed his books on Ansem's desk earnestly, wringing his hands a little. Ansem had a throaty chuckle that sounded almost like he were laughing at an untold joke. The twinkle in his eyes was so comforting and Ienzo finally relaxed despite his previous nerves.

“I'm sorry for my tardiness, sir,” Ienzo started, though Ansem cut him off with a quick gesture. No need to be so formal.

“It's fine, my boy,” Ansem replied. He glided across the room, scooping the books gingerly placed to leaf through them. Ienzo tensed minutely, awaiting approval for his hard work so far. “I see you're making progress on deciphering the Scala texts. Brief me before we start our official meeting. We're a little behind schedule, I’m afraid.”

Pink dusted Ienzo's ears. “My sincerest apologies, sir. I’m making excellent progress. Some of the books Lauriam and Elrena retrieved were damaged beyond recognition, but I’ve archived them for later research once we have a better understanding of the alphabet used. And the progress for that is going, uh, a little slower than I would like.”

Ansem looked through Ienzo’s notes more in depth while Ienzo stood there, trying not to wring his hands into ribbons of flesh and blood. His palms were a deep red from strain. He had so many questions to ask and he needed answers because Isa's mother would not leave his mind. Her pleading green eyes holding unfathomable sadness neatly packaged behind walls of extraordinary strength. Ienzo couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't stop thinking about what had been taken from her.

“Sir?” Ienzo said quickly. “I wanted to ask you about something I think needs addressing. It may not be my place to inquire about such matters. But...when the normal denizens of Radiant Garden ask about us, what are we supposed to say?”

Ansem's eyes glinted with curiosity. Ienzo had barely caught it, but he did not like the way his heart sank into his stomach. He suddenly felt very ill and lightheaded, but he swallowed the lump in his throat until that, too, had settled into his stomach. Ansem's curiosity and thirst for knowledge had not been quenched even though he had dedicated his twilight years to righting some of the wrongs he had been directly responsible for. Ienzo didn't like Ansem the Wise's curiosity. Ienzo did not like the way those eyes darted around for answers, no matter how subtle.

“Has someone asked?” Ansem asked innocently.

Was Ienzo supposed to lie now? “I was going to get a pastry from RAD Sweets the other day, and the woman who runs the shop asked about some things. I wasn't sure how to answer her question so I said I would look into it. I just thought I would bring it up. I think it's important to our progress as individuals and as a collective if we share our knowledge. And maybe that will mean something.”

Ansem snapped the book shut, a curt response that Ienzo knew would come with elaboration, and placed it back on his desk, turning his full attention to Ienzo with a gentle and rueful look. Ienzo saw the bad news before Ansem even opened his mouth. This was a mistake. He should have lied to Isa's mother. For that one moment, he should have kept his mouth shut and deflected her questions just as Ansem had when he was a child. Just as Even had when he had been running experiments on the innocent. Just as he had himself when he was following in the footsteps of his adoptive family.

“We will find meaning in different ways, Ienzo.” Ansem's voice was soft and full of sorrow. “The stability of our worlds cannot be jeopardized again. We must sometimes make difficult choices that lead to others losing far more than we bargained for. You speak of Isa's mother, yes? She cannot know what has happened to her son. It is better to maintain status quo because she will not be able to take it. Her heart will shatter.”

Ienzo frowned. “But Isa's not dead! Sir, please. He might not be the same but…”

He lost his words. He wanted to explain why he was so upset. It didn't matter that Ansem was right. It didn't matter that he even knew that. Understood it better than anyone perhaps. He felt helpless and he wanted to tell Ansem that he felt helpless but he couldn't because Ansem couldn't see that. Ansem had also been lost. Ansem had also forgotten what it was like to be a normal human being. Ienzo's gaze fell to the floor and his shoulders knitted together. He wouldn't be able to debate Ansem the Wise, the undisputed leader of Radiant Garden. He wasn't experienced enough. He didn't know enough to even hold a candle to Ansem's vast wealths of knowledge.

And at this point, he never would.

“Ienzo,” Ansem started. “You are still in a period of recovery. Please allow your heart to adjust accordingly. It will not do you well to let your emotions get out of hand. You've been through a lot. In ways I cannot fathom and I understand that you want to help others. A noble action.” There was a very long pause shared between them. “Not in this way.”

Ienzo took a deep breath, annoyed but trying to hide it. Ansem placed his hands on Ienzo's shoulders awkwardly and Ienzo tensed. If nothing changed, then what were they supposed to be doing with their new lives? Ienzo smiled at Ansem, and turned to leave, though he shuffled back to take his books. Ansem asked if everything was fine. Ienzo nodded and thanked Ansem and he dodged most other attempts to stop him from leaving with a sore sense of self. Ienzo vowed not to let it fester.

He didn't try to go to RAD Sweets again.

\---

"Hey, are you okay?"

Ienzo looked up from his research, gaze distant. His wrists were sore from writing nonstop for three days but it didn't feel like it. He rubbed his eyes and turned in his chair. He wasn't sure why he had expected Demyx when Demyx never used the door to come into his lab. The machines that lined the walls were inert, having long since gone into hibernation after hours of neglect. Ienzo's lab was covered in piles of papers in various states of disarray. There were several empty cups of coffee and water strewn across what little table space was readily available.

Ienzo blinked, struggling to recognize the intruder, though when he was finally able to focus, he was greeted by warm blue eyes and long pink hair tied neatly into a fanciful bun. Blue uniform, white gloves, and an expertly wrapped red scarf. Lauriam, looking more than a little concerned. His lips were in a small, but understanding frown.

"I'm fine," Ienzo started, though his voice was scratchy from disuse. Lauriam didn't buy it for a second and Ienzo sighed. "I'm tired."

"When was the last time you slept?" Lauriam asked, voice gentle. Friendly.

Ienzo scrambled around in his piles of papers. He fished out a journal that had a number of coffee stains on the pages. After staring at it for longer than what should have been allowed, he held up four fingers.

"Four days?" Lauriam said, dumbfounded. "Goodness. You should rest. It's three in the morning."

Ienzo shrugged and went back to his research. Four days was nothing new to him. Sleep was hard. Sleep was dangerous and Ienzo had been trying to get as little of it as possible so he wouldn't have to dream about fire and white walls. Unexpected twists and turns and hands around his throat while he stared into an abyss of green. And besides, he could get more research done if he used his magical knowledge to stay up longer.

Lauriam hadn't left. Even as Ienzo forgot all about him, he remained there, though he took a seat in Demyx's chair, folding one leg over the other patiently. His presence was obvious and difficult to ignore after a few minutes. Ienzo could be stubborn when he wanted to be, but once he noticed the room filling with the scent of fresh spring flowers, he rubbed his face in a vain attempt to stay awake.

"What are you doing here?" Ienzo finally asked.

"When a colleague who is otherwise always present doesn't show up for a few days, I get suspicious," Lauriam answered easily. "I sent some memos but none of them were answered. I asked Ansem about you and he deflected. So I think something is wrong. I decided to check on you." A concerning pause. "Am I the first?"

Ienzo frowned. Demyx had come once during the last few days. He had sit in that very chair, sang and hummed, talked a little bit about how cool Disney Town was going to be, and then disappeared. Ienzo had appreciated the company and missed him while he was gone. Vexen had come to talk about research, but his heart was still growing and his demeanor was still very cold and clinical. If Vexen had noticed anything awry, he hadn't mentioned it. Aeleus had wordlessly brought him water. Many times.

"No," Ienzo said dryly. "If it's so late, why aren't you sleeping?"

Lauriam cocked his head to one side in a half shrug, as if it never occurred to him that asking about sleep at such a late hour was absurd. "Sleep is difficult for me. Has been for a long time. And it's my turn for the night shift, but that's not going to stop me from being a little bit nosy."

Ienzo rubbed his face again, relaxing into the therapeutic aromas. Marluxia had always been good at creating scents specifically tailored to aid his actions, for better or for worse. It seemed that Lauriam had kept the same habit since being completed. Ienzo was thankful for the company, though he didn't like having to live his life this way. Isa's mother still hadn't left his mind. It had been two weeks since he had spoken to her. It had been one week since speaking with Ansem the Wise. Four days since he last slept.

"Do you need to talk to someone?" Lauriam asked after an eternity of mindless scribbling and flipping pages. Why was he still here?

"It won't matter," Ienzo replied bitterly. He hadn't meant to sound so callous. Perhaps Ansem was right. He  _ did _ need more time to heal. "It's not going to change the fact that I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep."

Lauriam hummed in understanding. "That might be true, but if you know what you want, you could probably figure out what you need."

"I don't remember you ever being like this before," Ienzo added. "Comforting."

Lauriam smiled. "We never knew each other as humans. I suppose it's fair that you assume I'm very much like my Nobody. And I am. But this isn't about me, Ienzo. This is about something bigger than me."

Ienzo fell silent for a long time, though he didn't scratch away at his notes like he had before. He just allowed Lauriam's company and demeanor fill the room for a little while, two people who didn't have much to say but still found a way to say a lot. There was a connection forged in their silence, a geniality that seeped into Ienzo's skin and gave him something that wasn't quite hope, but close enough. Suddenly, he was tired. More than tired, but it was welcoming. He and Lauriam did not exchange words as they went their separate ways, Lauriam returning to his patrol and Ienzo falling into the warm folds of slumber in the plush blankets and pillows.

He slept for nearly three days.

\---

Ienzo was no stranger to obscenely early hours. Even after being effectively dead for three days straight, on the fourth day, he was up at the crack of dawn, feeling refreshed and perhaps a bit sore from remaining motionless for so long. He'd gone through quite a few glasses of water as well, his body greedily absorbing the sustenance. Breakfast was uneventful. Dilan and Aeleus exchanged brief formalities, but otherwise remained quiet, leafing through the newspapers and sipping coffee.

Ienzo was grateful for them not asking about his bouts of insomnia despite them becoming worse. He was grateful for the serenity that followed him through the castle to his lab, though he considered that perhaps it would be a good idea to break from his usual routine. Lauriam had a point. If he knew what he wanted, he could figure out what he needed. The problem was that he didn't exactly know what he wanted and talking about anything other than work was challenging. Feelings were taboo. Or it at least felt that way.

Did anyone else have this problem?

It felt like nobody else was having this problem.

Why did he feel so frazzled all the time? Nothing was physically wrong with him. He had checked. Multiple times across all manner of data and nothing felt right and everything was wrong all the time in ways that he just didn’t have words for. He missed Demyx spending time with him, even if all he’d done was nap and sing. Ienzo missed that.

He missed it a lot.

\---

“Yo, you good?”

Ienzo had been zoning out again, trying desperately to be in the moment and failing miserably. Demyx sat across the lab in his chair, leaning over the edge as usual and whistling. Ienzo hadn’t noticed him come in, but masked his surprise rather well.

“I’m fine,” Ienzo replied meekly. “Just busy.”

“Are you too busy to go on a date?” Demyx asked casually, looking at his gloved hands. Wow, his fingernails had become so much more interesting all of a sudden. His cheeks burned a searing scarlet.

It took far too long for Ienzo to realize what Demyx had done. He had almost nodded without question. He  _ was _ too busy to do much of anything, but really all he wanted was to avoid thinking about Isa's mother again. Get overwhelmed with work so he didn't have to entertain her because it was so much easier to reprioritize his tasks than to ignore them all together. Isa's mother just had to be reprioritized. Indefinitely if need be.

"I'm…"

"Busy," Demyx said, dejected. "I get it."

"No!" Ienzo blurted out, dropping his pen and spinning around. "I mean, yes, I am busy, but that's not what I meant. I meant that I was just. I was distracted!"

His cheeks also burned and he began fidgeting with his ruffled ascot, pinching the silk in his grip as if it would give him more room to breath as he felt steam release from his ears and magic crackled along his finger tips, a dusky blue. A high pitched whistling echoed through the lab, a teapot ready to be removed from flame and Ienzo smoothed his labcoat down anxiously.

"I would love to go on a date with you," Ienzo stammered as the whistling halted. "I remember you mentioning going to Disney Town, right?"

Demyx perked up. "That's right! I was just waiting for the right moment is all. Like right now."

Ienzo burned hotter. "Right. How about we go first thing tomorrow morning? I mean, we could go now, but it's important to get a good night's rest first. I'll finish my work and be ready for you then. Does that sound fair?"

Demyx nodded vigorously. "And I'll have a surprise for you for when we get back. Something I think you'll really like. A new one because the old one went bad."

Ienzo didn't get the opportunity to respond before Demyx dashed out the door of the lab, his black coat flapping behind him in his haste. Ienzo stood in the lab for a few moments, his heart hammering in his chest and his breathing shallow. He rather liked the idea of being able to spend time with Demyx in a more meaningful way.

His smile was accented by soft dimples and he smooshed his hands against his cheeks to stop himself from grinning for too long, lest his other daily visitors drill into him. He wanted to keep this a private affair. He wanted to enjoy this one small moment.

He rather liked Demyx, even if he was a bit lazy.

The rest of the day flew by abnormally fast. Ienzo kept looking up at his clock and entertaining his visitors. Ansem had come for an update on the deciphering of the Scala texts. He'd been delighted to see that Ienzo was calmer and less tense. He'd spoken at length about how he was gaining more color in his face and that his progress was still on track. Aeleus brought water and a light lunch. He'd been quiet for the most part, but his hands were rather animated. They had signed a conversation over small sandwiches and tea and Ienzo had asked for a memo delivery.

His final visitor had arrived just before Ienzo had decided to stop his transcriptions for the night. Ienzo had smelled Lauriam before he turned into the doors of the lab. Lauriam's hair, normally tied up, framed his face and draped around his shoulders. His guard uniform was still pristine, but it was clear that he had dressed formally despite not having to.

"You look better," Lauriam said, taking a seat in Demyx's assigned chair. He folded one leg over the other and clasped his hands together earnestly. "That's good to see."

Ienzo busied himself with stowing away his work. He pushed the Scala texts into a glass case and locked it, still riding on a strange high of excitement and anxiety. Each twitch of his fingers brought another machine into inert slumber.

"I received your memo," Lauriam continued. "I'm sure there's more to it than just checking on old colleagues. Care to elaborate, or did you have something else you wanted from me?"

"I want to make a difference," Ienzo started. "I'm going on a date tomorrow."

"You seem a bit scattered. Those things aren't related," Lauriam remarked. He kept his eyes on Ienzo as he moved about the lab. He very quickly changed his mind after dwelling on it for a moment. "Nervous?"

"Do you think we should keep what we know about the other worlds to ourselves?" Yes, he was nervous and his lip trembled with those overstimulated nerves. He desperately wanted to fly high and fall back down to earth. He felt too close to the sun and terrified and elated and it all melded together in a slurry of confusion, sadness, guilt, and joy.

"I think you should try to relax," Lauriam replied after a few moments of thought. He shifted in place. "I don't divulge much of who I am now that I remember where I've come from, but I suppose I could offer you something from my experience if you're that dead set on talking about those higher concept problems."

Ienzo shut down the last of his machines, scribbled down the last of his notes and turned off most of the obscene lighting, all the while, Lauriam allowed Ienzo the time he needed to think. The air brimmed with the soothing aroma of flowers and Ienzo's eyelids grew heavy, his lashes pulling towards each other, begging to close.

"I'm...not," Ienzo admitted finally.

Lauriam stood up and followed Ienzo out of the lab. "I know. It's okay."

"I'm going on a date," Ienzo whispered excitedly.

"I know."

"I think I'm excited for it."

Lauriam smiled softly. "I know. Have a good night, Ienzo. Get some rest. I’ll see what I can do about getting in touch with Saix."

\---

Ienzo woke at the crack of dawn. He sat up in bed, drumming his fingers against his thigh to temper out the magic that pooled in his palms. It felt icy against his skin and it cracked like a thin layer of crusted sand as he flexed his fingers. He was far more nervous than he had first anticipated, but he was ready. First, he would go on a date with Demyx and then he would be surprised. Then he would tackle his problems. Today was about having fun and trying at least ten different ice cream flavors. All guided by Demyx.

He rose and showered after making his bed, going over what sorts of topics he could spend time talking about. Work related subjects were off limits unless Demyx showed genuine interest. Maybe they could talk about games. After all, they had been rather close during down time in the Organization. They played games frequently. Yes, that would be a good ice breaker.

As Ienzo brushed his hair, he contemplated how he should style it. Tied back like he normally did? He wondered vaguely what would impress Demyx more. Demyx wouldn't care either way - and, perhaps on some subliminal level, Ienzo knew this - so he settled for a white headband to keep his hair out of his eyes. Yes, he determined, this would do well, especially because Disney Town would be sunny. Ienzo tried a couple different colored headbands before settling on white again. Keep it simple.

He dug through his closet and lamented at all his attire. He had never really put too much thought into how he dressed before now. It had always been about practicality, but now he wanted to look attractive - again, knowing that Demyx likely wouldn't care either way - and nothing in his closet really made him feel like he would be cute. Or cool. Or put together. Or whole.

He rifled through what he did have, trying many different combinations of colors and fabric until he found something that was serviceable. Not really as cohesive as he would have liked, but serviceable. Powder blue bermuda shorts and a breathable button up shirt in a similar white to his headband. Right, now all he needed was to stop the queasy feeling in his stomach. It churned as he stared at himself in the mirror. He threw some sandals on and tottered back into his bathroom to brush his teeth, muttering through the minty foam to be absolutely sure of what he would say.

No work. No bad memories. Just good times and good vibes. Sweets and rides. Games and fun.

Ienzo had decided to go to his work lab, as Demyx hadn't told him exactly where they could get together. This was probably the best bet and he was alarmed to find Demyx already there, dressed in a ridiculous tropical pattern shirt and rather plain looking shorts. He was leaning over the back of his assigned chair, using one black coat as a pillow, and a second one as a makeshift blanket. Ienzo tapped on the glass of the lab door and Demyx jumped awake, catching the two coats before they hit the floor. He eased out of the lab with a big smile on his face.

"I was expecting you later," Demyx said a bit sheepishly. "My bad. You weren't supposed to catch me being so uncool. Here! Put this on."

Demyx shoved one of the black coats in Ienzo's face and Ienzo looked it over.

"I can't open corridors anymore."

Demyx helped Ienzo into the coat, bowing gratefully when Ienzo complied without much fuss. "Don't worry about that, dude. I got you. I covered transportation too, don't fret, man."

Ienzo zipped up and felt a peculiar mix of emotions ranging from fear and anger to crushing guilt. He doubled his efforts not to let it show on his face, as when Demyx donned his own coat and held out his hand, Ienzo took it without hesitation. Demyx opened a corridor of darkness and dragged Ienzo through before he could get cold feet. The wisps of black evaporated around them in an instant as harsh sun beat down on them. Demyx pulled Ienzo's coat off hurriedly, folding it up neatly along with his own and stowing it away in the trunk of whimsical tree.

"We'll come get these after we're done," Demyx explained, pulling out two glossy passes and flapping them against each other. "It's only a short walk to the park from here. I'll be your trusty guide. I got the passes and everything. Didn't even take that long."

Ienzo appreciated the excitement. His stomach arched around in knots, tying and untying itself as he forgot every single thing he told himself in his morning pep talk. No work. Just fun.

"Thank you," Ienzo said. "For inviting me, I mean."

"No worries, man," Demyx replied, waving his hand. "I knew the second I asked you out, that you'd be super nervous about the whole shebang. You don't gotta worry about talking a bunch if you don't wanna. Sort of noticed you're the quiet type. Something something you're always working. You have ice cream to try. I suggest blurpleberry. Or matcha lemon twist. It's better than it sounds, I promise."

Ienzo immediately breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Demyx offered his hand again, and Ienzo hesitated this time, heart thumping against his ribcage, playing a song of longing and fear. Demyx let his hand fall, though it didn't come with dejection. Later maybe. Ienzo's ears reddened, immediately regretting not taking Demyx's hand.

He was a very talkative man, Ienzo noted. As they strolled to the gates of the park that made up the bulk of Disney Town, Demyx held nearly an entire one-sided conversation with Ienzo. The topics ranged vastly, from the importance of tuning an instrument if one was going to perform, to the nuance of the ratios of sleep to fun and how it felt to be actually free from responsibility.

"Of course," Demyx added. "I didn't mind working for these passes because I really wanted you to come with me at least once."

Ienzo smiled. "I suppose hard work pays off sometimes after all, right?"

Demyx thought about it, face scrunching in concentration. "Just this once, I guess." He held up a single finger and wagged it. “It’s not an everyday thing.” 

They arrived at the booth where Demyx fished out the passes and proudly handed them over for inspection, puffing his chest when they were granted entrance to the park. Ienzo felt an overwhelming sense of whimsy as the bright colors framed rides, game stalls, food vendors, and gift shops. He wished he had another pair of eyes so he could take it all in and Demyx guided him through alleys and thoroughfares, pointing things out and describing in detail the various aspects of the history behind the park and the town itself. Ienzo found himself absorbed in the details and only passively noticed that Demyx didn’t intrude on his personal space without asking first.

Every time Demyx put a sweet in Ieonzo’s hands, he tried it and passed judgement on it. Most of the treats were delicious. Some sweet, some savory, but all interestingly colored. What Demyx had said before was true: the Matcha Lemon Twist ice cream was a lot better than it sounded.

Together, the two of them went on ride after ride, took, took photos in the photobooths littered through the park, and donned various brightly colored accessories as they won games.

"Here, I think this is a bit more festive, if it's alright that I put it on you." Demyx waved a headband with mouse ears in front of Ienzo's face. "I have one more thing I wanna take you to do before we head back and I give you the final surprise. I think you'll like it. Well, two things, but I’m just doing a vibe check first. You good?"

Ienzo was honestly exhausted. He had never done this much walking and goofing off in his life and the colors, smells, and music were beginning to blend together. But, all things considered, he  _ had _ had a wonderful time and he carried an absurdly large plush in his arms. Some kind of blue alien creature according to the stall attendant.

“I’m a little less than good,” Ienzo muttered. “But, don’t worry about it! It’s not about you. It’s, uh, I’m just a little tired.”

Demyx raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“Okay, more than a little tired,” Ienzo added, looking down at the ground. “I’m having a good time, I swear, but I’m just...trying to figure things out. Trying to...figure things out.” His words trailed off, lost.

Demyx scooted Ienzo into a shady space between two food stalls and gave Ienzo a few moments to breathe. He’d noticed it the moment he laid eyes on Ienzo. Ienzo was not adjusting well to having a heart again, and while he wasn’t usually the sort to do a lot of work, there was a compulsion to reach out. It had been in part what drove him to ask Ienzo out on a date, though he’d hesitated to call it a date for a while.

It was also what kept him on the more socially acceptable side of gaining material possessions. When guilt wasn’t something that plagued him, Demyx usually settled for doing whatever he wanted, when he wanted.

“Are you okay?” Demyx asked. “Like, really.”

Ienzo was petrified, cornered and exposed. “No.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“People don’t usually talk about this kind of thing on a date,” Ienzo said.

“Oh yeah?” Demyx folded his arms. “How would you even know?”

Ienzo stammered and fell silent once more. It didn’t last long. “I wouldn’t. I don’t. I don’t know a lot of things and I’m not really the type of person who doesn’t like knowing things. Just in case it wasn’t obvious.”

“Bothered by something, yeah?” Demyx asked. “Well, what is it? Maybe I could share some of my ancient wisdom from another world. Ooooo.”

Ienzo blinked slowly. “I think it would be a good idea to tell Isa’s mother what had happened to her son, and nobody else seems to think so. And even though I’m damaged property, I still think it’s better to share what we have learned instead of, whatever this is.” He shrugged his shoulders, as if gesturing to the wider worlds.

Demyx hadn’t expected such a complex question, and while he knew he should have expected Ienzo to be thinking about really big conceptual issues, it still threw him for a loop. He’d been paying attention to Ienzo this whole time, and still he was blindsided by this sort of thing. Not his department at all.

“Yeah, okay, now everything makes sense. You’re having an existential crisis.”

Ienzo smiled, relieved by Demyx’s supposed nonchalance. “I guess I am. Is it over yet? Can I please have a Sea-Salt ice cream without feeling squeamish?”

“I don’t know about that, man. I’m just a random dude who is still not even technically a dude again yet.”

Ienzo pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ve been meaning to ask about that, but I’ve been--”

“Busy?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s cool. I forgive you.”

Ienzo, despite his crushing problems, smiled wider. “I’m tired, Demyx.”

“Okay, we can go, but can we please do one more thing? It’s the big important thing. Other than that surprise. Don’t let me forget.”

Demyx pointed to a ferris wheel. It was darkly silhouetted against a golden sky and Ienzo watched it turn slowly, accepting more passengers. The line wasn’t too long, and Demyx hurried over, coaxing Ienzo to come as well.

When they boarded, Demyx made a show of allowing Ienzo on first with his plush, like a true gentleman, and when he climbed in afterwards, Ienzo quickly put the plush on the other side of the car so Demyx could sit next to him.

"I promise that we can leave afterwards," Demyx said, cheeks burning. "I'm, uh, I’m glad you said yes, honestly. Like, I know it’s all anguish and sad stuff for now, but I’m still glad you came."

The ferris wheel began to turn and the car swayed in place as the medal cogs creaked. The ground grew farther and farther away. Ienzo felt a slight queasiness return to him in the swaying of the car. He kept looking from the small window to the hand that was conspicuously placed on the seat next to his.

Did he grab it? He wanted to. Desperately, he wanted to. His fingers twitched in anticipation as he grappled with the desire to reach out and the fear of rejection and hurt. He wasn't ready to try to be with someone like this. He couldn't connect to someone with no heart if he couldn't even heal from his own hurt, could he?

Could he share experiences like this if he couldn't understand them? Ienzo stared blankly out of the window as the car came to a stop. They were nearly at the top, and the whole of the park and Disney Town beyond it lay before them. Ienzo was captivated and Demyx mercifully let him absorb the sight of whimsical peace. Ienzo dismissed his fear for a few moments and inched his hand towards Demyx's, to which Demyx closed the distance when Ienzo faltered.

The sound of a tea kettle whistling filled the car as steam once again released from Ienzo's ears, flustering his hair and turning his cheeks red. The illusion of intricate china patterns crept up his neck and cheeks as well. Demyx felt energy zapping his fingertips, lashing out at him to back off. The fear stung his tongue, but he did not let go, even when it began to hurt.

"You know," Demyx started, resisting the urge to wince. "Axel told me something about sunsets. Like forever ago. I sort of forgot what he said exactly, but it was something about the color red. About how it's around forever. I guess he was saying that about himself and I guess it turned out to be true."

Ienzo made a small sound of affirmation. The whistling lessened, and he tried to reign in the magic that lanced into Demyx, barbed and desperate. This wasn't the desperation he wanted! This wasn't supposed to be painful. Ienzo focused on the warmth of Demyx's hand.

"But, uh, you're the opposite of that, I think. You know, like, you're so sure of yourself. You don't stick around for longer than you have to and while that's cool and all, you can, you know, spend some time. Take a load off. Have a break.

"I guess I'm just trying to say that you deserve to have a little longer to be yourself or whatever. Play around instead of work. Stop worrying so much about all these things that happen. Might be a good idea to be red. Maybe..uh, not literally though." He winked cheekily.

Ienzo flushed. "I'm tired."

"Yeah, we should probably book it before I get you in trouble or something. Can't have that or Vexen will make me do work. And I'm trying to avoid that at all costs, ya dig? Let's blow this popsicle stand."

The ferris wheel creaked and groaned as it let people off once more. Ienzo tucked the plush under his arm and allowed Demyx to hold his hand as they left the park in the approaching dusk. Ienzo was tired, but happy. At least, in a small way that didn't make sense right now. He would reflect on it later, but he was sure he gleaned something from this.

Demyx sang to him the whole way. He had been working on a new song and Ienzo rather enjoyed how beautifully Demyx hummed and snapped his fingers with his free hand. He enjoyed how Demyx would sway into his steps, like he was dancing to the beat of his own drum and Ienzo felt compelled to join him, though his apprehension surged through his magic once more.

They were clothed in black and back in Radiant Garden in mere moments. Demyx allowed Ienzo to lead him to his room, still hand in hand, but when they came to the door, Ienzo turned on his heels.

"Thank you, Demyx," Ienzo whispered. His heart hammered in his chest, leaping up to his throat and back down into his stomach. "I had a nice time. A wonderful time really. I'd like to...do it again some time."

Demyx nodded. "Yep, no problem. My schedule's totally clear." He paused. "Oh wait! You're forgetting something!"

The surprise. He was supposed to get the fancy cake from RAD Sweets. Silly him.

"Oh, right," Ienzo muttered. "I'm tired. I should sleep before I don’t."

Demyx opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, trying to come up with literally anything that would get Ienzo to stay awake for long enough for him to bring the tasty sweet. In that moment, Ienzo stood on his tip toes and without a moment's hesitation, kissed Demyx quickly. It was an afterthought. A brief moment of affection that was gone in an instant. Demyx's mouth hung open as Ienzo bade him a goodnight and disappeared into his room.

"G-goodnight'" Demyx stammered.

Ienzo threw himself into bed and closed his eyes, likely not processing the fact that he had just kissed Demyx until the next morning. He rather liked Demyx.

In fact, he rather liked him a lot.

**Author's Note:**

> Take this Zemyx and forgive me for I am sick.


End file.
